Wow! It has really been a long time since I have blogged. For the last few months I have seriously considered not blogging anymore. Trying to find my place within myself through a lot of changes in my life this past few months. The changes started a couple of years ago but these past four months have been especially hard and trying for our family. This all started my questions of where I really want to be in this life - WHO I really want to be in this life. This has begun a journey within myself.
I have always been one to reflect on my life but only seem to do so after tragedy or loss has come and gone. Never while I am in the midst of it. One reason is because I can only face so much at one time and another is because we aren't always the person we want to be or expected ourselves to be in the midst of hard times and situations. I am trying to do that DURING instead of AFTER. It is much harder for me this way, but it has made me a much humbler person.
I think I lost myself somewhere along the road. I don't wish to reclaim my youth or become who I was when I was 20 - how awful would that be!! I like being in my 30's for many reasons. What I wish is to find that person who loved life and didn't look at it through skeptical eyes. Ones that are too wary, see too much danger or too much risk. I need to find my balance again. Find my peace again.
I usually don't make resolutions at the new year. Mostly because I believe you set a goal when you know you need change not because it is Jan 1st, Monday, first day of the month, etc, etc, etc... I set myself up for failure if I set these 'start' dates. I am more successful if I start my goal on the day I decided I wanted to reach that goal. I am such a procrastinator by nature so putting my 'start' date to far in the future is the same as never setting one. So this year I am calling it my New Me Journey not my New Year resolutions.
It took a tragedy in my family this past September to realize that I wanted - needed more from my life. We lost someone very close and special to us in Afghanistan on September 9th. Someone whom we loved so dearly. Our hearts have been broken and we are still trying to heal and keep moving forward. It shattered so many things close to us in our family that it has taken a while to post about that here. I may share more in the future when I am ready.
I love books too much to not read and blog about them. I will be blogging every Friday. Sometimes it will be about a book and sometimes it will be just about whatever I feel the need to share. I have many other goals that I have on my list to start my journey to becoming a new, better, more improved ME! I will share those along the way.
I have missed you all and even though I haven't posted on your blogs for a while I still read them everyday. You have helped me to laugh on those hard days that I didn't think I could. I have read books and listened to music that I may never have chosen if not for you and your posts. I look forward to 'talking' with you all again!!!
Have a fantastic weekend and I'll blog with you again next Friday!
~Melissa
